Being 30

Being 30 doesn't scare me at all... many girls have problems or emotional breakdown passing this 30 line, especially for the ones without a relationship, a family, a career and/or a meaning life. I can't say I have everything I want, but I do enjoy life as it is. I am grateful for what I have, and understanding who I am makes it easier for me to jump to another check box. I do whine about work - I am not the kind that can work forever, I enjoy making sweets more than building a financial model; I do crave for more - work achievement, promotion, better compensation; I do think I deserve more than what I have now - not out of greed, but thinking needing more to make my life complete.

I hate being early 20s, that's the time when we all do and say stupid things and have disproportionate confidence and ego. Look, the most interesting TV shows feature the lives of late 20s - 40s, those feature the early 20s are only for kids. Being 30s is wonderful, is carefree, you make enough money to travel comfortably rather than staying at hostels and travel on train like a can of tuna fish, you are knowledgable and wise enough to make decent conversation with older people/professionals, you are exploring life like a discovery channel of your inner self.

I obtained a lot of wisdom from my friends, colleagues and family. The worst outcome is to choose a path that you are not content with from the beginning. Understanding and evaluating the consequences is the most important part of the decision making process, refuse to compromise doesn't mean you are not willing to sacrifice, trusting and believing in yourself is the most important driving forces.

OK.. enough of these mental bullshit...another day at pierre for a cooking demonstration. I love the restaurant, the staff, the food, the vibe...this is indeed my best restaurant in town.

The menu was exquisite and luxurious, this is by far the best that I have had in my life.

1st - poached egg with cavier - which was named after me, I wonder what's the implication....

2nd - foie gras with lobster consumme

3rd - lobster tail with white balsamic and ginger sauce

4th - guinea fowl with vegetable stew

5th - red pepper compote, caramlized walnut tart, raspberry sherbet

I am soo glad to have my friends with me for this exquisite lunch. We had so much fun, so much food, alcohol, secret sauce of making all these complicated dishes..

Thanks ALL for all these presents..haha....it is so obvious to tell what I love most and you all know me so well! I just had my perfect 30th bday.  =)

Scandal

Thanks cchw for the delicious macaroons!!! These are absolutely heavenly..I always love pierre herme's creation of sweets, he can always turn sometime normal into something magnificent, and mixing combination of absurd ingredients into completely different flavor profiles. If I live in paris, I probably would go to the shop everyday until my taste buds turn obsolete. Sorry.. no sharing this time, I am finishing all of them myself and saving the truffle flavor as the last piece to rekindle my crush on him.

It was absolutely hilarious to learn about a rumor floating around in the market, and I am quite surprised that it even deem any value. There are BQ and TR in business relationship for the recent years, and a rumor has it that they were in talks of a M&A which has not been known to the market...later on the deal heated up and became apparent to some given the possibilities of synergies and the merger seemed strategically sound. Yet those who were familiar with the history of TR believed their merger will more likely to destroy value and started writing negative notes about TR, trying to shoot down the deal...two parties were aware that the merger has come out of the shadow and decided to bring it back to underground again.. nonetheless the merger continues while negative commentary persists. I must applaud the fantastic creativity involved with how they came up with the story with no basis at all...well the street loves juicy scandals and this one does score some points if you know the two parties well enough...

My big boss already told us that no matter how good your score is the bonus for 2009 is going to be "0". He knows better than anybody else that we are not going to slack on the back of this comment because this is the year that one should be working hard to keep the job. I am only going to report fair weather going forward, proud to announce that I rank #1 in performance since the start of the fiscal year. Although I wouldn't get compensated for the ranking this year.. it just feels good for being right.

2009

I did my new year resolution last year.. some has materialized and some has not.. and I refused to make a list this year, partly because I don't want to put a timeline for what I want to complete in my life..and partly because I don't want to stress myself out on what I am targeting for the year.

This year is going to be rocky.. for the industry that I am working in.. we are going to experience a lot of up and down, as we are experiencing it emotionally. Hopefully me and my friends are capable of handling the volatility, either staying in the job, finding a new one, staying in business, finding new businesses, or making good performances. We all need a certain amount of luck this year, and live through this year riding into a better '10.

Funny enough we are all expecting a massive layoffs in 1Q this year, veto the idea of recovery in 2Q, people ask whether they should be buying properties now but i question why not selling...it is a mismatch of wisdom of us in finance vs. the outside world. Why are people outside of finance are still so optimistic about the near term prospect? the iceberg is still there.. we crashed into one but there are more ahead of us.

My wish list for the year: travel more (location undisclosed), better time management for the amt of things i want to complete this year, stay in business, keep close friends closer, mastering riding and tennis.

Not a bad 08 in hindsight, hopefully not a bad 09 for me.

Happy mood

Instead of bitching life all the time, I still have a optimistic side of me that gives me the momentum to live.

I am in a super happy mood today. I can't really figure out why, there's nothing particularly excite me..but there's a whole bunch of things that get on my nerves:
1) have been working furiously every night, today I came home at 11:30pm
2) hitting the road block in horse riding, haven't progressed for the past couple of months.
3) given up my studying, which I blame on my demanding job
4) still waiting for my company to hire me the replacement, still doing two jobs at the same time
5) keep being bugged for pair trades, causing brain cell damage and increasing stress level.
6) not eating right, only surviving with cheap eats and sandwiches

I have a big project due the next day, I wasn't half way done with the write up in the afternoon, I haven't been sleeping enough for the past weeks, but I was staring at my excel model with a smiling face for almost half an hour.. what's wrong with me???

I figured where I got my pleasure from...
1) super cool colleagues, my whole team has very good chemistry
2) talked on the phone with two analysts after the earnings result, I explained to them my analysis and backward calculations, their response was like: you are right, I haven't thought of that...I was like, ah?
3) still making money with pair trades
4) people start listening to me and asking for my recommendation, hardwork pays off!
5) collective sweets and snacks rave daily at 5pm
6) having fun with friends and families, bb chu rocks!

I hope I can sustain this positive vibe for as long as it can last.... at least this year is much better than last year. Cheers for 2008.

Shopaholism

I violated my own rule! I indulged myself in shopaholism way before I received my bonus during the holiday season. It was so tempting to overspend during the sale season, particularly when everybody rushed out to get ahead of the sale, and shops started running out of sizes even before the private sale. I am not kidding, if you are in HK on the first day of private sale at on pedder, the store was jam-packed with crazy OLs, trampled over each other, grabbing whatever they could reach..basically the store was almost wiped out during the lunch hour. Across the harbor, mainland chinese could be found at every corner of ocean terminal, dragging along their luggages, buying every branded product that has the biggest logo on it. This tell you how good the HK/China's economy is.

A review of my trophies for this season:
Stella McCartney suit $xx,xxx
Paul Smith suit in grey $x,xxx
Undercover leather jacket $x,xxx
D&G cigarette deep blue jeans $x,xxx
D&G chiffon blouse $x,xxx
Costume National black leather pump $x,xxx
Costume National light grey leather heels $x,xxx
Miu Miu patent leather pumps $x,xxx
BV cardholder $x,xxx
Vanessa Bruno silver color cocktail dress $x,xxx
Giordano ladies turtle neck sweater $xxx
Giordano ladies cardigan $xxx
Moussy T-shirts $xxx
RN Converter blue ninja dress $x,xxx
Wayne Copper grey silk dress $x,xxx
Mad Corters cruise pin-striped dress $x,xxx

This huge spending make me look shallow.. but I did manage to catch up with my reading at page one to divert myself from heavy bills.

The Fountainhead - although a traitor in architecture I still want to read the legacy of 1920 objectivism
Losing my virginity - RB - a bit late in reading into his life.. I admire his bravery and guts to stick to his own beliefs and find the true meaning of life
Mr.China - aside from the ethical differences between east and west, this just tells you so much about the fact that every person is selfish by nature and works for their own good.

Payday today, I just LOVE to see that credit entry in my saving account...now comes the difficult part, how to invest with an objective of preserving capital with 20% per annum upside.

Managing expectation

This is not a very good start in 2008 as a blogger. I haven't been able to update as frequently as expected. I have been very busy at work, trying to learn a completely new language and often feel like an idiot when dealing with the professionals. Every day after work, my brain freezes up while feeling reluctant to think anything else except work or need to catch up with reading b/c of too many redundant meetings and ad hoc requests during the day. I am not complaining.. I enjoy what I am doing now because I can achieve greater gratification and make immediate decisions.

For quite some time, I kept thinking about the idea of managing expectation. Think of yourself, your professional life, as a common stock of your own. At the start of the career, you are similar to a hidden gem in the desert, you are deeply undervalued, you are a real bargain based on the market value. When you start gaining publicity, building up self-confidence, every step you take is the building block of credibility. People begin to scrutinize your work and judgment and imposing a value on you - how much do you worth and every year they assess your past year performance and set a benchmark for next year. At the same time, you try to manage their expectation and try to beat the benchmark for your own compensation.

If you are able to consistently surprise on the upside, you are a good stock for them to own and worth the high valuation. If luck is not on your side and you miss their forecast, they will cut loss and turn to something that provide greater value proposition.

Seems like to be an inevitable vicious cycle, and we are more like a commodity than ever. Should we strive for our dream for greater self gratification? That's the lifelong struggle for us all.

Fresh new start in 2008

I'm not a big believer of Chinese astrology, but it has been pretty correct in predicting my '07 as having big mood swing, no leapfrog but very busy at work, feeling lonely and being attacked by "little persons". '08 is predicted to be a much better year with advancement at work and personal finances. Of course the same fortune wouldn't apply to everybody who born in the same year, but it does more than just forecasting, but to console our devastation of being so unlucky.

As putting a tragically dramatic '07 behind and forward looking to a less dramatic '08, I am anticipating a turnaround in every controllable aspect of my life.

Although there's really no point looking back into the past but if just focusing on the positive aspect...what I have accomplished in 2007:
1) Job search started in January, sifting through different opportunities and finally settle with one within the same firm, celebrating my 5-yr tenure by hopping into 5 different role changes
2) Started this blog! writing an average of 10 entries a month, that's 1 entry every three days, not too bad!
3) Baking all over again.. fully utilize a brand new oven and put together my dessert portfolio
4) Flew my parents to Japan.. I wished to be there myself.. but that's a honeymoon for them.
5) Friends bonding and meeting new friends...partially facilitated by facebook.
6) Started volunteering...i am not afraid of kids anymore
7) Continued riding..started with bumpy cantering to smooth cantering
8) Read more....becoming a crucial part of my life
9) Improve my health...i have some strong biceps
10) Riding vacation in Spain....it would only be something less and less unlikely as you grow older
11) Wined and dined in Paris.. and brought back with "sweet memories" for people who I care for

My '08 resolution:
1) Beat the benchmark, be a 4 star analyst and initiate 20 stocks within one year
2) Travel to Czech and Austria..something that I have been talking about for more than 2 years and dream must come true this year
3) Learning to jump..not the lame 10cm cross
4) Family and friends bonding
5) Pass whatever exam I have signed up for
6) Better control of finances and manage PA
7) Building up confidence and improve presentation skills
8) Pick up painting again
9) Continue to improve my health, immune from viruses
10) Continue volunteering
11) One cake for each birthday.. quite ambitious but will try to make it happen!

Victory lap

I declared a war, and here comes the victory lap.

Thanks those who have given me all the care and support along the whole process... you have been the greatest listeners to my whining and compliants.

I made my turn in the middle of a crossroad. There will be even more challenges in the future as my ability is now put into test. Whether the risk is warranted is yet to find out...but I am willing to commit and perform better than before.

What a drag

Decision was supposed to be made last week...if not, why hurry to do all the interviews during my crunch time?!

One week passed already.. still haven't heard a word about it.. my boss seemed very stress and there're quite a few ppl spending a lot of time in his room with door closed.

Next week he will be traveling to India, so I wouldn't be able to get an answer for another week.. what a torture and what a drag. Another week of waiting, another week of uncertainty.

This whole thing has been fallen out of my plan. I am supposed to declare victory by now, celebrating my friends' weddings and go traveling stressfree. This become such an overhang, I feel like sailing without a direction.. being afraid of hitting an iceberg or into a whirpool.

I am so exhausted, I had put up with a fierceful fight. I don't think I can possibly achieve more. I just want my fair piece of rewards.

Looking forward to my Vietnam trip next week.. for a marathon of relaxing massage and french cuisine.

Success is...

I am not too much of a person who is keen on personality test as I often find the answers generic and doesn't tell really anything. It is like when the answers turn out to be something nice, you would say "oh..I cannot agree more".. when it turns out to be something bad, you quickly veto and say "this personality test sucks!!"

Since I received so many requests for the personality test at facebook, I decided to spare 5 min of my time to give it a try. This is a test to identify a picture to describe something, 8 choices were given per item.. I didn't find the test particularly interesting until I was given 8 pictures to describe what is success?

I pondered on this question..the obvious choice would be money/wealth or family or being with someone you love....but I was reluctant to choose the obvious choices. I wouldn't define money as a success because it isn't the first priority in my life. Family wouldn't equate to success because it is not something you compete for.. it is something that comes by naturally. I wouldn't say holding hands with your lover walking in the beach as a success either because it takes two to tango.

I then reckoned that an A+ is the meaing of success...probably it's just me... getting an A+ means more to me than monetary rewards, because it means recognition.

A glass of milk

Looking at D, I started to worry about brittle bones when doing active sports. It's painful to be immobile and to be in cast..

A glass of milk as my new everyday routine, a precaution if I ever fall again...

2007

This is not new news for people who know me. Although the stock market has the greatest run this year, it has been the worst year for me. Too much dispair, disappointment, worries, uncertainities, unfairness, unfaithfulness, back-stabbing, frowning, tears.... One large gain is to be able to solidfy my friendships, and increase my expenditure on my look and health.

I hate 2007. When is it going to be over.. sign...

Survival kit

I used to be able to leave work at 6/7ish. Now working late becomes my everyday practice. The cleaning lady is feeling bad because she can't vacuum the area I occupied..well, what can I do, I am doing two jobs and don't have time to move my ass out of my herman miller chair.

Late night snack is required to compensate my weary soul. I have an uncontrollable addiction toward this Marks&Spencer wine gum. It is so good, I can keep chewing until I finish the entire bag, of course this ungraceful behavior would often trigger stomach bloating and discomfit. Mixing gummies and coffee is truly not the most desirable dietary habits. I need the sweets to keep myself awake, and coffee to help digest the glutinous mixture that clot my stomach...ha, sounds gross but it works.

For the one who keeps nagging me for Gwen Stefani's concert tickets.. not that I don't want to see the show, I also don't want to give up free tickets. But I only have limited time to complete what I was ordered to achieve and 4 hours of show time is just not part of the recipe. Hope this clip can compensate what you have missed...and I'll make sure you get the next round of movie tickets.

Dream on

Recently I have been asked so many times what my dream job is, what I want to do for the rest of my life, what would give me the most gratification, what I will enjoy doing for every moment and stress-free. Is this part of the quarter-life crisis that we all need to go through before we turn 30? Is it because we are doing something that we really hate for monetary reason so that we can retire early and our hatred wouldn't prolong for the rest of our lives?

I often struggle with the word "dream job". What exactly does that mean? I think the idea of a dream job is deluded, it is probably a game some people invented to talk others out of the battlefield so that they have less people to compete with. Ever since we are born we are told to utilize our talent to make a good living. We follow our instinct and work rigorously toward our lofty goals...and then a few years later plus a heavy dose of reality, we choke and start to wonder why we are dragging ourselves to work everyday.

Everything would become such an ordeal if our lives are depended on it. If we are willing to accept the fact that no job is perfect, we'll probably stop dreaming how our lives would be different to be out of the tedious job. As long as the positives outweigh the negatives, and we feel rewarding from what we need to put up with, then we should be on the right track.. at least that's how I convince myself to believe...

Yesterday in addition to other savory dishes I made a citrus tart featuring pink grapefruits and oranges. It undoubtedly looks like a quiche, that's what people have mistaken for....I made a sweet tart dough with basic ingredients, butter, almond powder, confectioners sugar, etc.. For the fruits, I cut out the fruit chucks free of membrane and let them sit for a whole night to dry up the juices. When I was ready to bake, I made a buttery and nutty flavored custard to pour into the tart shell over the fruits. So very simple but deliciously presented.

Big challenge

This past week has been completely dreadful.

I was given the opportunity to prove myself, in pursuit of the career path that I have been working on for years. I was extremely stressful as the project was assigned under a very short notice, as the matter of fact, I need to turn myself into an expert within a week.

Imagine yourself being drilled and grilled by a room full of professionals who each have 10+ years of experience, these are the people who have been in this industry long enough and can detect whether your numbers are right or wrong just by smelling the financial statements. They wouldn't wait for you to finish the presentation but interrogating you with tough and ruthless questions right away. And I pretend to know everything and try to make them feel their questions are stupid.

Not so much a fun experience for a beginner, but I am so damn proud of my efficiency. I thought I could do better if I wasn't that nervous.. but people said I did pretty well already for the first time. It is just a matter of time to find out whether I am in or out.. and whether I have what it takes to survive in this team.

Risk vs. Reward

Attended M's bday dinner Sat night at a wine cellar in the middle of nowhere. It was quite a blast. We started with champagne and casual acquaintance, followed by a seasonal meal and fine wine, and ended with sweets and warm laughter. It is always fun to hang out with a small intimate group of people with similar background and experience.... and so happen most are some kind of 2nd or 3rd degree friends or in the same school way in the past...well..it is a small world indeed, especially in the world of finance.

Coming back from the dinner I've got to wonder, am I really that risk-intolerant?

Looking at the people surrounding me, some flew from one end of the earth to another in seek of better education when they were still in mid teens, some hopped from one job to another almost every year, some left their high-flying career to pursue their low-paying dreams..I didn't seem to have taken that many risks throughout my entire life, went to a college which was only 30min away from home, sticked with the same company ever since I got out of school. The only drastic move was switching from arch to finance.

Am I taking too little risk in expense of greater reward? Should I step out of my comfort zone and embrace the challenges? Probably because I lack the ambition and confidence as driving force..I just want to chill...